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Forever and Nowhere

by Mark Hahn

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1.
It’s been a long time And I've come a long way So why am I always driving Down these same old streets With no more answers Than I had before The last time I was here Or the time before And time before And why would I even expect There would be an answer When we all just go Blindly Along these paths We find While trying to avoid All the pitfalls That we see Around us And the ones We never see So maybe We’re just looking For an imagined safety When we stay On the same paths Even when We say we don't Want to keep reliving All the same pain, But are secretly Finding comfort In the known So we keep going back For more Driving down All these same old streets Over and over And over again
2.
Lost Years 03:19
All those years I lost, to drugs And drinking Just taking myself out And building fantasies And stories Around my escape It was just trying To eat up time Hoping I’d wake up Where was everything different From how I left it It never worked And I'd always find myself Somewhere That was worse And farther away From where I wanted to be But those wild stories Kept me going As if there was something in them That set me apart From everyone else That seemed to have A happy life While I felt I had nothing But my dreams And all those hollow stories That I had to show for That lost time And all those years I threw away
3.
Dying Elms 03:50
The sky looks so blue And so empty today Taking off into The past And the street corners That changed my life Where I was thrown into the world With dark barlight Black formica tables And pitchers of beer The promise of release The promise of companionship And comfort That was never given And the rides In the back, of cop cars Traveling in silence While knowing the worst Was still to come Wondering how The speeding tires Held onto The rain soaked pavement As we blew by, all the stop signs Beneath the spreading branches of the primitive elm trees Now all gone Killed by the blight That took them down In a single night When it came to an end That never ends
4.
We’re all going to lose In the end, baby So gotta keep pulling that lever Riding the highs Suffering the lows Feel like you're on top Cuz’ we all think That’s what we want But if you find love, baby Hold on it As long as you can Cuz’ you never know When you'll get it again Some never will And some just need To keep pulling that lever hoping for the money Or the thills Or more But when you’ve found love, baby You gotta hold on Through all the highs And the lows But don't keep rolling those dice baby Unless you're asking to lose And we’re all going to lose Sometime in the end So baby You just gotta hold onto love
5.
Haystacks 04:13
Haystacks Against the Setting Sun Scattered over the endless field Not a soul, in sight So I’m wishing I had you By my side To see the way it looks When you're a thousand miles away From home And you start to wonder If you ever had a home Or if it even matters When you're driving Down the highway Taking in all the sights Oh baby I wish my knee Was touching yours While we pass All these haystacks That look like they could be In some painting From today Or some other time Like before the war Yeah, there’s haystacks Against the setting sun Scattered over This endless field
6.
Well, the Chicago skyline On the edge Of that great lake Seen from the plane window I’m just passing by To somewhere else Remembering All my travels That started at O'hare In the winter Or snowed in On a runway Or just waiting To catch That late night Subway Back to my place Downtown Sometime, from another life The memories lost With no context Or meaning Other than the smells Of those city streets Down below Like the sensation Of a half forgotten dream Or the taste Of certain emotions Or the fear Of having to go back Somewhere in time Where there’s too much pain Like a back full of steel rods Or a ride in a wheelchair, To somewhere I don't want to go With each bump Making me cry out, no! The Windy City The City that works At one time It was my kind of town But today I’m just passing through
7.
Lone Trees 03:11
A lone tree Standing in the middle Of these high plains Showing all the signs of the struggles Unseen, by all That have shaped the thing Like you and I The ones left standing After so much harm Has been caused But here we are Still strong And reaching for the sky And looking up For a sign to come Between all the storms Yeah, Lone trees Standing in the middle Of these high plains
8.
1200 Miles 04:13
1200 miles Away from my home With nothing but clouds Hanging over the cornfields And the memories I'm leaving behind And the thoughts Of everyone I don't know Or how I fit in To this landscape I’m passing through Surrounded by people Whose lives I can only guess At what it's like For them to live In this flat place Where you can see forever And nowhere As if there's nothing In the distance But the trucks driving by This way And that way Under the radio towers That connect you With the rest of the world As if you could ever be touched By those whose eyes You've never looked into But baby, I have so far to go before I can see you again I’m 1200 mile away from home With nothing but clouds Hanging over these cornfields
9.
Looking for old cars And wondering Which way to turn After the viaduct When time was simple, And the dream of escape Was just as urgent As it is now Feeling more intense, perhaps Because there still seemed To be some hope For things to change Finding a way out To get out From all this crap And that a car From another era Would be the easiest Way To get there When the farmer'd say His old Buick Special Would do a hundred When you,d opened her up On a flat out stretch Of country highway But she'd smell like an explosion When you finally got her fired up And the frontend Was always shot to hell So time to keep looking For another ride That could take us out of here When we’d pass That viaduct And find another place to go
10.
You're so damned hot In your cut off sweats I’m just saying baby Gotta go get some ice At the downtown shop On this Saturday afternoon Let’s make some plans Cook up some steaks On our old black Weber Have your sister come by With all the kids Let ‘em run wild Like we're living In the middle of the jungle Or maybe It’s the middle of nowhere And even if my job At the auto parts store Doesn't do much more Than let me pay the bills But when I look across the yard And see you there And your curvy waist Peeking out, above your shorts And I see you smile When I catch your eye And you know what I’m thinking And how that smile, is all that matters When my friends, go out drinking Every weekend night I say I’ve got other things to do Pull down the shades My hand on your waist Yeah baby, you’re so damned hot In whatever you’re wearing And I’m so glad that you’re mine

about

When his mother became too old to live on her own, Hahn and his sister flew back to Detroit to help her empty out and sell the old house. While it had been years since Hahn had lived in Detroit, it was the closest place he had to a static point on a map that he could call home. In going back, he had to confront many lingering memories that he tried to convince himself were left in the past – difficult periods in his young life, the place where his dad had died when he was still a teen and just the general struggles of coming of age and coming to terms with finding a place in this difficult world. While he and his sister were busy clearing out the last vestiges of a physical home, Hahn was overcome by the underlying sense that this was a complete goodbye to his past and his roots. Detroit is not the type of city people generally imagine going back to for no reason, especially those living far away, and Hahn had resettled in the Southwest desert long ago.

After the house was sold and his mom got on a plane to start a new life living with his sister in Hawaii, Hahn loaded a few keepsakes in the old family station wagon and headed out alone on a 2000 mile cross country drive. He passed the cemetery where his father was laid to rest, a place now surrounded by abandoned houses. Once outside the city making his way through the back country, Hahn chose to only take two lane highways, passing through many small forgotten towns bypassed by the interstates. He spent days lost in the vastness of the rural countryside, the emptiness resonating with his own feelings of being a lone transient leaving his only home behind.

To distract himself, help put things in perspective, and document the trip, Hahn traveled with an inexpensive parlor guitar and a portable digital recorder so he could record songs along the way. His emotions would gel into proto-songs during the days as he drove and was often inspired by what he observed along the way – a lone tree standing strong against the ravages of time or a fleeting look of love exchanged between a young man and woman in a no-name town in the middle of nowhere. Hahn then arranged and put his songs to music when he stopped at anonymous motels for the night. Forever and Nowhere was written and recorded entirely over the course of four days and nights while on this road trip. In many cases, the songs were recorded in a single take while sitting on the edge of a motel bed with trucks roaring by outside. The end result is perhaps Hahn’s most sparse, emotionally raw, and introspective album to date.

credits

released April 29, 2018

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Mark Hahn Tucson, Arizona

Tucson artist and writer, Mark Hahn, grew up in Detroit MI, studied at the Art Institute of Chicago and has traveled, lived and worked in many major cities across Europe and the United States. He has now settled in Tucson and spends his time focusing on varied creative projects while exploring the Sonoran Desert and the broken down mining towns that are scattered around the Southern AZ landscape. ... more

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